I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
