When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
