Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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