i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
