i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
