I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
