So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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