I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
