He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
