omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
