So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize
