I think im going to throw up on grandma
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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