my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize