Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize