Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
