i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
