3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
