so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
