my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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