trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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