Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
