My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
