Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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