I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
