If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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