Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
nutella sex= disaster
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
