god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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