found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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