Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize