i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
