I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
