He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
