New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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