If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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