Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
