Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The struggles of a small town man whore
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
