Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
