Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
