all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
