When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize