I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just googled if crying burns calories
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
