ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
