Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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