i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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