and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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