I need help removing her.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
