so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
