I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
