she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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