You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
