I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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