why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize