sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
