I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
