i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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