I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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