I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
