You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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