Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
