im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
