how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
