I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
