So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
