went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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