Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
