please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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