i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
