why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
