When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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