I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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