hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
