yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
