sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
