You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
no you cant smoke seaweed
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
