Pants 0. Shit 1.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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