I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
