every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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