My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
