4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
