i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
