True but thats because hes a fetus.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
