is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Randomize
