You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
