They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
