Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
