Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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