Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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