I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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