I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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