You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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