I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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