it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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