Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
