Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
