Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
