you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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