Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
