end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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