i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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