Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
