Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
