So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
