you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
