she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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