He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
