Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
