A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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