i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
