I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
