I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
