Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
