does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
