Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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