I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Too much gin, very little bucket
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
