He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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