I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I see more hoeing in ur future
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