I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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