What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
