So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
