Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
